Finally, a song about female masturbation! Finally, as in 35 years ago. Cyndi Lauper cracked open the door of female self-loving, and as a result, a generation of girls grew up to be whores and lesbians.The world really, really needs an anthem celebrating lady-pleasure, and here you have it, in all of its naughty glory. (My favorite part is that she’s jacking it to gay porn.) To be fair to the mens, it’s not that there are very many songs about male masturbation either, although it’s often implied. Masturbators in general have been a very underserved demographic, not getting a lot of pop culture glory. Cyndi Lauper set out to change that – in 1983 – and still remains pretty much alone on the playlist. All Cyndi achieved at the time was to help bring about the creation of Parental Advisory stickers, earning herself a spot on the PMRC’s “filthy fifteen” list of songs too filthy for the ears of children. Times have changed enough that we can hear it now as the innocent fun that it is, since we’ve mostly come to accept masturbation as a normal part of life, as opposed to a perversion or a symptom of pathetic sadness. Still, it’s understandable that no one really feels inspired to write odes to their own left hand – or whatever they like to use – because, well, it’s pretty mundane and there’s not much inherent dramatic value. Minus the frisson of guilt and shame and sadness, masturbation is just not very interesting. I suppose that we can congratulate ourselves on our progress in normalizing something that was perfectly normal all along, although honestly the existence of one hit pop song about female sexual self gratification seems like kind of a small step on the path towards equality. Baby steps, ladies, baby steps.
Seriously though, if there are any other songs about jacking it that I don’t know about, please submit them.