Set Fire to the Rain

Speaking of white girl blues… Here is the one and only Adele song you’ll ever hear me playing. Adele is the voice of sad white girls everywhere just as surely as Odetta was the voice of the civil rights movement. You can’t accuse Adele of not having a legit reason for having the blues, either. She’s kind of a fatty, and in the world of white girls, that is the heaviest burden a woman could shoulder. I mean, being a perfectly cute white girl but cursed with a larger dress size, that’s like equally as terrible as being segregated or whatever. JK. Adele is actually having the blues because she went through a real bad breakup one time. It made her really, really sad. Then in made her really, really wealthy, because she’s pumped three mega-selling albums out of it. Whoever that dude was, he should win a Grammy for single-handedly saving the music industry, because that breakup made millions of white girls buy CDs at Starbucks again. And it’s great and I feel that, because we’ve all been through a real bad breakup, some of us more than once, even, and in the world of white girls, getting dumped is the worst possible human indignity. And being a fatty who gets dumped is like those kids in the Congo who had their arms chopped off with a machete or whatever. Like, that’s some next level sad shit, is what I’m saying. Um, so yeah, I don’t actually like Adele very much, is what I’m saying.

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