November Spawned a Monster

I have watched this video far more times than would be healthy, and the words ‘too gay to function’ come to mind. Perhaps through same magical transmogrification Morrissey switched places with Shakira for a day, so while he’s writhing in the dirt half naked, she is sitting moodily on James Dean’s grave in a trench coat and hat. Or, simply, WTF? What the actual fuck, Morrissey? Though it may appear that the point is to parody other pop stars’ sexy-dancing-in-the-dirt-for-no-reason music videos, this came out in 1990, way before that particular style of high-gloss head-on objectification became de rigueur. Whatever the reasoning, this is clearly the apex (or nadir) of Morrissey’s lifelong spree of terrible music videos. Let me be clear – the guy makes the worst videos of any pop star of his stature, and this is the weirdest, most disturbing one by far. So much so, I haven’t even thought to say a word about the song…um…it’s good, it’s a good song, something about the ugly way the world sees disabled people and…ohhh god what’s with the chocolate bar…why?…that is oddly arousing…please stop…


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